III Forks Houston: Review

Anytime a waiter at a Restaurant starts off by telling you what type restaurant you are dining in....and what grade of beef they are serving...you may be in for some trouble.

Such was the case last week when Mrs. Esq. invited me to be her date and we dined at a relatively new restaurant in downtown Houston.

III Forks is located in the new Houston Pavillions "center" downtown. I remember just a few short years ago when this location was surface parking. I must say, the Pavillions are a vast improvement.

Back to III Forks. The entry is very nice and the dining room we were seated in was modern and nice. I wanted a white table cloth. Apparently modern and tableclothes don't jive at III Forks. Anyway, we were seated, and we waited. And waited. And Waited for a waiter. Yes, ironic.

When he arrived, rather than apologize for making us wait, he began by telling me I was at a Steak Restaurant that served Prime Steaks. Fair enough, it is possible that I could have made it this far without knowing this was a steak joint, but the Prime line was a bit much. If I were in the small East Texas town I grew up in, Prime might mean something, but in Houston, and particularly just down the street from Morton's, Vic & Anthony's and Strip House, well, Prime isn't that big of a deal.

She orders wine. I order tea. We wait, and we wait. If you don't get it by now, the waiter not only was slow, he was a bit arrogant and clearly wasn't "reading" our table correctly.

Salad: C-
I asked him about the tomatos on the tomato and onion salad and when he said the magic word "Beefsteak" I thought I was ok. Wrong. These were the smallest Beefsteaks I'd ever seen. Maybe they should buy tomatos from my garden in the spring. The salad was very underwhelming. With tomatos, size matters. Well, size always matters.

Did I mention our waiter was no bueno. After the salad, the experience was doomed, but I soldiered on. I really don't mid paying for good food (Mrs. Esq actually paid) but I expect the food to match the prices. Tiny tomatos do not a $9 salad make. This was a $5 salad.....at best. Honestly, the salad at Waffle House is a better value.

Anyway, the steak was good. A bit on the thin side, but good. After all, it's hard to screw up bone-in ribeye. It was slightly overcooked, but still had good flavor.(funny aside...the somewhat ghetto female beside us sent her steak back because it had char on it. I laughed out loud. She probably needed to know she was in a Steak House that served Prime Beef)

Steak: B-

I've mentioned it, but I'll go ahead and grade him here.

Waiter: F

One rule of thumb for even a novice waiter is you never let a wine glass go empty. Mrs. Esq. sat for a solid five minutes before having to flag down and then ask Mr. Steak House-Prime Steaks for another glass of Pinot or Malbec or whatever she was having.

Although my bride wanted to have dessert elsewhere (frustration from the poor service) I thought we should ride it out.

Dessert: My Creme Brulee: C Mrs. Esq's Bread Pudding: A

Check: F

When you pay to eat well, you expect good, prompt service AND good food. It was if we were guest at the faux opening. The place just didn't have it together. My guess is they should have spent more time interviewing and training the staff and less time designing the three different dining rooms. I'm sure our waiter was awesome at Red Lobster, I mean I bet he was....but he was out of his league. AND he was an ass.

To say the service was underwhelming would be abitofanoversimplification.

To say we'll ever go back would be laughable.

-Douglas

ps. I just wrapped up "Service Included" a book written by Phoebe Damrosch, a former waiter at Thomas Keller's Per Se in NYC. I expect all of you to wait with baited breath. (I know I do not have a single soul following this blog)

The NFL RULES Sports on TV

Early numbers indicate that roughly 57.9 million viewers watched the NFC championship game between the Saints and the Vikings. Wow.

Now that title is without a doubt abitofanoversimplification.

-Douglas

Life Is Complicated

It ranks right up there with "It Is What It Is" and lawyer jokes. Grounded in Truth, yet not overflowing with truth.

This is designed to be the beginning of an end. The fun part is I'm the only person that knows where this is going.....if anywhere.

Abitofanoversimplification,
-Douglas